Blog 4 2-16-2018

As parents, it often seems as though we are running around like chickens with our heads cut off. So, you might be rolling your eyes at this topic thinking ‘ain’t nobody got time for that!’ We’re exhausted, and, like I said in a previous blog post, parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. According to a recent study, moms work an average of 98 hours a week! Also, I think people hear the term, “self-care,” and it simply sounds a bit selfish, particularly when we have kids who are counting on us. However, I’m here to argue that we need to make time for ourselves and that taking care of yourself is actually the opposite of selfish.

On that note, how often do we get frustrated with our children for running around the house, fighting, or not doing the chores we ask of them? And, to get frustrated with our kids is totally normal and human. We are going to get annoyed, disappointed, and, sometimes, we’ll simply have off days. And, I’m not here to tell you that anything you do will make those off/frustrated days go away completely (I wish!). But, what if I told you that you could have fewer days and moments where you are angry with your kids or frustrated with their behavior and more moments where you remembered to appreciate your kids? You would most likely jump on that train! Well, the answer may seem counterintuitive, but the answer is to take some time for you. In a world where we are constantly running from one place to another and checking things off our to-do list, what would it be like to take a little time for ourselves each day? In taking that time for ourselves, we will become happier, which also makes us better, more patient parents and more patient spouses.

Next, let’s talk about what self-care actually looks like in our lives. First of all, there’s no one right way to take care of yourself. It looks different for everyone, and it may take some trial and error to figure out what works best for you. If you are worried about time (which, let’s face it, we all are), promise yourself that you will set aside five minutes a day for your self-care or schedule something once a week that you wouldn’t normally make the time for. We can all handle five minutes a day for better quality of life, right?! And, we can slowly increase the amount of time we spend on ourselves. Set a goal for yourself that is attainable. There is no right or wrong way to self-care! Here are a few different ideas for self-care:

1. Journal. Write down your thoughts, goals, and/or feelings. There’s no correct way to do this!
2. A cup of tea. Make yourself a cup of tea or hot chocolate and sit down and drink it slowly (how simple is this one!!!).
3. Meditation. There are even neat iPhone apps for guided meditation.
4. Prayer . If you are a spiritual or religious person, set aside the time to pray.
5. Exercise. We all know it releases those awesome endorphins!
6. Friend time. Grab a coffee with a friend. Friendships can be an invaluable part of your happiness.
7. Music. Turn on uplifting music. You know which songs make you feel good; take the time to listen to those songs and feel your mood lift!
8. Coloring. Color a picture with your child. It can feel good to be a kid again.
9. Time with your kids . Plan a special one-on-one date with your child. This can be art, pottery, or going to a community baseball game.
10. Therapy. You know you’ve thought about it! What better way to take care of yourself.

Do more of what makes you happy to be in this world. You and your kids deserve it.

Blog 3 2-8-2018

Now, I get to talk about the FUN part of parenting- positive reinforcement! With positive reinforcement, we can prevent a lot of our parenting and discipline woes from rearing their ugly head in the first place (YAY!). You may ask, why does positive reinforcement work? You may be rolling your eyes and find yourself saying “well back in my day if I didn’t……..” I get ya, but give me a second!

First, let’s think about it from a personal perspective- has your husband, wife, or family member ever thanked you for doing the dishes or taking out the trash? How did you feel after being thanked? I would be willing to bet that whether or not you realized it at the time, you felt appreciated and were more likely to do that chore again. Children are the same way! As humans, we all have a need for attention and love; so, it makes sense that we want to be thanked and praised when we do something right. Put this in the think tank- with kids, often times, we get so caught up in punishing them for doing the wrong things that we may not recognize when they do the right things. We are unknowingly meeting their need for attention for the wrong things! So, what does this cause? It causes children to want to do more of the undesired behaviors (face palm!).

So, what should we be doing instead? Well, when possible, we should ignore bad behavior and reward good behavior. This way, we know we are not meeting our child’s need for attention for the behaviors we are trying to avoid! With this, taking the time to praise or reward our children when we see them doing the right things saves us time (punishing your child) in the long run. And, we would all rather have a positive relationship with our child than be arguing and battling with them all the time- am I right?!

Examples of positive reinforcement:

(Hint: You can also do this with your significant other- try thanking them for doing something small around the house instead of nagging them for not doing something. See how quickly they start doing more things around the house! SCORE!)

The other important topic for today is modeling the behavior we want to see in our children. I think something we don’t think about enough as parents is that we are the biggest influences on our children. And, one of the absolute best ways for a child to learn how to act is through modeled behavior. If we want our children to be respectful, we should treat our children and others with respect. If we want our children to be kind to others, we should be kind to our children and others. If we want our children to work hard, we should make sure they see us working hard. We cannot expect more out of our children than we teach and show them through our own behavior. Also, we need to take the time to listen to what our children have to say. It may seem unimportant to us at the time, but it may be very important to them. Don’t forget- our attention (and respect!) may be the best part of their day!

Happy family- Happy life!

Holiday blog 2-7-2018

It’s Carnival Time here in Louisiana and Cambre Counseling wants to help make your Mardi Gras celebrate a FUN and SAFE experience. Here are some tips for parents to share with children, both young and old

1. Location! Location! Location
   When possible, find a spot behind a barricade. This will limit your child’s ability to “hit the streets”. Finding a location with police presence is a bonus find! Once you are settled, find a distinctive landmark. Look up! Find something high that children can see and tell them if they get lost, go to that spot and do not leave!!


2. Stranger Danger

~ If you never had the talk or are giving it for the 400 ^th time, talk to your children about talking to strangers. Teach them to listen to their gut if they are feeling uncomfortable about someone watching them or getting too close. Never walk away with someone or towards a car if someone is asking you to come over. No bead or stuffed animal is worth not seeing mom and dad again.

3. Permission first

~Sometimes kids feel that if they are with someone their parents know, all is well! There is nothing worse than panicking over a missing child. Make sure your kids know to ASK to go with a friend’s parent or to use the bathroom. Communication is key!

4. When in danger……

~Not talking about danger can be the most dangerous thing not to do. Just because you speak of danger doesn’t mean it won’t happen or will it scar your child. Teach them to yell really loud if someone is hurting them or making them uncomfortable. Tell them to find the nearest adult and use the phrase “help me”

5. Knowledge is POWER

~Does your kid(s) have your phone number memorized? No, not stored in their phone because those do tend to get lost… MEMORIZED? If not, practice it. If they are too young, write it on tape and stick it inside their clothing

6. Ladders going UP

~Using a ladder for that little one?!? Ladders are great but having a discussion about the proper use of it can cease many shouts of “I said get down”. Place ladders toward the back of the crow and an adult should always be present when a child is sitting on top (regardless of child’s age)

7. We here…. Now what to do?!?!

~Parents should pre-plan parade waiting activities. Trust me, it will save you from the whining and over correcting. Football games, cards, picnics, etc. You will thank me for this tip!

8. It’s coming!! It’s coming!!!

~You finally hear the sirens!! It’s FINALLY here!! What now? Talk to them about no bead, animal, machete, or football is worth your precious life!! Kids often jump that protective barricade and not look to see a float, tractor, band, or possible horse headed straight for them. It’s a great time to reiterate the golden rule about SHARING!! Yes! Share that 4 ^th rose you caught, don’t fight over beads, and SHARE your dad’s shoulders. Give dad a break too! And don’t forget not to chew without approval, just like Halloween!

9. Parents…..

~This one is simple… do not drink and drive. Period

10. Sick kid?!

~Along with Carnival Time, it’s also flu time here in Louisiana. Parading isn’t worth spreading the flu germ. Have old beads at home? Make your own parade in driveway. Your kid will appreciate the effort

Blog 2

I think it is safe to say that parenting may be the number one hardest job on the planet. With that being said, I am quick to say it is also one of the most important jobs. The hardest job…. Yet it didn’t come with a manual? No quick reference guide, 1-800 customer service, or you tube video!

Riddle me this- before getting a driver’s license, we must practice (under supervision) for an entire year and take a test. When it comes to parenting, we are simply sent home from the hospital after having our child without a stamp of approval. How much sense does this make?! How do we survive those nights we just want to lock ourselves in the bathroom…. I know you have… I have too!!

So, let’s talk parenting!

First of all, the most important piece of advice I can give you as a therapist and mom of three is this…… Pick Your. Battles. None of us want to argue or punish our child(ren) all of the time. And, let’s be honest, does that create happy and healthy children? It is important for your child to learn some lessons on his or her own because we want our children to grow up and be able to make good decisions for themselves. If we are constantly making decisions for our children and not allowing them to make mistakes, will this create an independent adult with good decision-making skills? Probably not! For example, your child leaves his or her school assignment at home. If you bring their assignment to school, what does your child learn from this? They will most likely learn that if they leave their assignment at home, mom or dad will come to their rescue. If they get points taken off their grade for turning it in the next day, aren’t they more likely to not leave their assignment at home next time? We all want our children to grow up to be happy, independent adults. So, sometimes, that means letting them learn from their own mistakes. Two words….. natural consequences.

As great as all of that is, sometimes, we cannot allow our children to make their own mistakes without intervening. So, let’s talk discipline.

Here are some great discipline tips:

1. Before rules are broken, make sure your child knows what is expected of them. Be specific! Do not assume they know right from wrong.
2. When a rule is broken, be firm, specific, and respectful in letting them know what rule was broken and why the rule is in place (if the child is at an age he or she can understand).
3. If there is a punishment involved, let your child know the length and type of punishment. DO NOT make the mistake of being flexible and letting them off early for good behavior.
4. Let your child experience the consequences of his/her behavior!!!! Life is all about choices. Have open conversations about how the choice they made led them to this consequence. (Follow through with the punishment and what you say- consistency is key with children!)
5. When possible, consequences should be immediate and short, so that you can move on to the positives.
6. When of age, allow for negotiation and flexibility of their punishment. This can help your child’s social skills (decision-making!)
7. It is important that couples are on the same page when it comes to consequences (cough, cough- consistency!!!!) A united front is always best and even more important with two parent households.
8. Timeout for children between the ages of 1-10 can be effective, 3 minutes is an effective amount of time for any age. Do not respond to any tantrums thrown during this amount of time! They get up… restart the clock… throw a fit… re start the clock (and they should know of that consequence prior to starting the timer)
9. Physical punishments should never be used because our goal is for our children to learn what is appropriate and why. If we are thinking about it from this perspective, we are teaching children to use physical aggression. (Have you ever thought about how spanking a child for being mean or physically aggressive towards another child is counterintuitive?!?!)
10. Yelling at children is similar to physical punishment in that it teaches children to yell and/or be disrespectful.

Positive reinforcement is golden- more on this next week! J Happy parenting!

Blog 1

Why Therapy?

We all spend money and time on haircuts (maybe even a highlight, ladies? ha!), buying certain brands of clothing, gym memberships, and the list goes on and on. We take the time to go get our teeth cleaned every six months and a physical checkup at least once a year. There is nothing wrong with spending money and time on things that we want and need. Often times it feels, dare I say it, THERAPEUTIC?!?! But, why don’t we spend the time and money on our mental health? What makes mental health so different from or less important than physical health? I’d like to argue that it is just as important as your physical health.

I believe one reason we put therapy on the back burner is because we think therapy is meant for those struggling with some sort of serious challenge in their lives when actually, it can be quite the opposite. I think anyone and everyone can benefit from therapy. Couldn’t we all be just a little happier?

The advantages to therapy are countless. The biggest advantage, in my opinion, is increased quality of life and, quite frankly, a happier life. When we grow to be old, are we going to care that we spent a certain amount of money on our new couch? Or are we going to care that we lived our lives to the fullest and without regrets? I’d like to think the answer to that is the latter. Therapy can also help you in making big decisions in your life, such as career changes, moving to a different city, whether or not to get married, etc. We have all faced hardships at one point or another, many of us are facing one now, such as divorce, depression, or anxiety, and therapy is here to assist you in coping with and lessening or solving whatever issues you may be facing. Remember, you are not alone.

Therapy can also help your child in numerous ways. Whether it is that you argue with your child about completing their homework, going to bed on time, or respecting your wishes, therapy can help you and your child get to the root cause of the issue and solve it. Your relationships are worth the time. Wouldn’t you agree?

An unexpected advantage of therapy is a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs. Often times, we go through life feeling content or complacent, maybe not quite understanding what it is to be fully happy or to take the time to slow down and realize what it is we need or want. Therapy can help you to understand yourself and your relationships on a deeper level, which can lead you to a fuller life. Isn’t your life worth that much? It’s time for you to invest in yourself and your mental health.

Yours in health and happiness.

Lindsay Cambre, LPC